Receive Graciously

Do you receive graciously? Or are you someone who deflects and rejects good things that comes to you?

A couple of years ago, I first heard about receiving graciously from a podcast episode. It was my first introduction to understanding the importance of receiving graciously, and a lightbulb in my head went on. It certainly left a deep impression on me since.

Are we complicating or making a big deal about something as simple and sincere as someone giving us a compliment? A simple compliment intended to make us feel seen or appreciated becomes a debate on why we don't deserve it. When it could be short and heartfelt when we fully embrace and accept it with a 'thank you :)' and our appreciation.

"Gracious acceptance is an art - an art which most never bother to cultivate. We think that we have to learn how to give, but we forget about accepting things, which can be much harder than giving.... Accepting another person's gift is allowing him to express his feelings for you." ―Alexander McCall Smith

Whenever we deflect or downplay compliments, acknowledgements, or kind gestures from others out of politeness, we reject someone's sincerity, kindness and generosity to us. We are not allowing him or her to have a good and complete experience of what they wish to express.

The environment I grew up in taught us to be humble and socially polite. When we outwardly accept or receive compliments or credits, it may seem like the opposite of humbleness and politeness. But that's just our fear of other's people perception of us. Being brought up in an environment like that, it's only natural to develop a tendency to reject receiving nice things (from compliments to money etc.).

However, a simple yet important question is, are we missing the whole point of the giver's intention underlying what's on the surface? Is our social politeness clouding us from seeing the important point that the giver simply wanted to give something to us? Instead of simply receiving it, we make it about ourselves (about our politeness/humbleness, our worthiness etc.). What's wrong with accepting kind words to us if they are sincere and genuine?

We reject with good intention and to take the attention away from ourselves, but paradoxically, we are making it about ourselves simultaneously. It takes courage for a person to give and express themselves. And when he or she gives us a compliment, and when we reject it, we indirectly express that his or her judgement is not quite right.

Next time someone gives us something, acknowledge their gesture and say thank you! Instead of deflecting or downplaying it, we can give back a compliment that we truly mean.

What do you think? Moving forward, let's keep things simple and allow ourselves to appreciate and receive fully, and give the giver a complete experience of his or her giving to us.

"Until we can receive with an open heart, we're never really giving with an open heart. When we attach judgment to receiving help, we knowingly or unknowingly attach judgment to giving help." ―Brené Brown